It isn’t surprising to go about my day and have one or two breath taking moments of wonder and utter amazement how it is I came to be in Chile at this time. The moments come during the ordinary and mundane, as well as in the middle of accepting the startling contrasts of life here. Sometimes, there are no words for how I feel – displaced and outside the circle, frustrated and angry at broken down systems that perpetuate poverty – and then the pendulum will swing, and I’ll be so thankful and utterly filled with hope, I’ll think to myself how much I love it here and I couldn’t ask for a more fitting place to live.
Friendships are forming, real friendships that talk of the things of the heart, where laughter is welcome and we can joke about ourselves – without the need for props and explanations. And for this, I’m eternally grateful. Community is what gives us a feeling that we belong, that we matter, that our place in a society is noted and cared about. The weekend comes and we get invited to go to lunch over at a friend’s house, or to enjoy some wine and cheese, to let the kids play together.
As I watch my children join the lighthearted banter of story-telling in Spanish, I stand in awe. The other night we drove to our land with a few friends who hadn’t seen it yet, and one of the girls rode with us. Emma, Lucas, and Sofia joked and laughed in the back – the things of kids, humorous stories that only children think are funny. I had no words, just a choked up throat and a heart of gratitude to God who is able to do so much more than we can ask or imagine…
And then later that night, I was overwhelmed at how hard it is here, at how much work it takes to develop land, to build, to understand a culture. The pendulum swung and I was frightened.
What do we do when our pendulum swings? How do we manage to live with hope in the midst of disappointment? Do we stuff our feelings and pretend they aren’t there? No. I think that only makes it worse. We keep moving, we keep trusting that God is here, and is leading us. We dare to hope again and we keep learning how to love with our hearts wide open. We open our ears and listen to the needs around us and choose to focus on something more than our temporary feelings and situations.
My neighbor needs wood. Or it’ll be a long winter. Listening to the needs of someone else has been so humbling. Real true need. Not wants and dreams laced in words of desperation – but real, striking need that chills me to the bones and lifts me up out of my own arrogant presumption and forces me to make a choice: to care, or to ignore the cries of someone close to me. That’s it. I could choose to harden my heart and stay focused on myself, my own pain, my own losses – or I could forget about myself for a few moments and carry some wood over to her house and say hi. Which one will bring more life?
The choice to care will forever change us. If I care, if I see those hurting around me, I must do something. I’m propelled into action. Whether it’s prayer or a conversation, or wood, money, food – If I care, if I choose to feel someone’s pain, someone’s plight instead of just living in my own nice bubble – then action is the next step.
Here, there’s a lot more need. There aren’t the same resources. It’s just plain different – and it’s hard to bear up under sometimes. How do I help when I’m struggling to find my own way? Perhaps that’s the answer … we’re all struggling to find our way and it’s in linking our arms together, in seeing that we aren’t in this alone, that we come to enjoy the journey all the more.
Yesterday, Emma pulled out a laundry basket and filled it with wood and dragged it over to the neighbor’s house. She said it was cold outside. It’s easy to think we have to solve people’s problems … that we have to fix it so it doesn’t hurt anymore. We can’t play God, but we can pull out a laundry basket and fill it with wood, drag it across the neighborhood, through the plaza, and drop it off at someone’s door.
Wood for the winter would cost my neighbor about $200.00 – There might be someone who wants to give to her – Operation Laundry Basket! Let me know. I’d love to facilitate generosity.
Have a wonderful day. Tomorrow I’m going to post some pictures and Wednesday I have a friend named Deanne who’ll be guest blogging for me … she’s fantastic.
Much love,
Tina
