Courage and Life

I had two natural childbirths. Both my children came quite easily, if easy is a word we’re comfortable using for labor. I went into the hospital in the early morning, they broke my water, and several hours later a baby was born.

There comes a point in natural childbirth when things begin to take on a life of their own. Small contractions come, we practice our breathing, concentrate and focus. We walk around and we laugh and then another contraction comes and we breathe deeply and it’s all pleasant pleasant, serious serious. And then, a few hours or days into it, depending on your particular story (each one is unique) something shifts and there is no pleasant pleasant. There is only focus.

Eventually, the woman’s body, all on its own, begins to eject the kid. I remember feeling like my body had been taken over by an alien or something. I grunted and groaned and felt a pressure unlike I’ve ever known.

Then the midwife checked me and said it’s almost time to push. Which seemed like a really nice option. And that’s when my whole world became one still point. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t stop this adventure from happening. I couldn’t try and see if there was another way through, or if another road could be tried before making the final decision. There was only one way and I was going to have to participate in this particular endeavor in a way I’d never participated in anything before or since. 

In my first labor, with my daughter, it came time to push and I pushed. Hard. Nothing happened. I pushed again. Hard. Nothing happened. What I didn’t understand, because it actually was my first rodeo, was that when it’s time to push, it’s actually TIME to push. You have to throw caution to the wind and give it everything your little body and mind and spirit have to give. 

I was worried if I pushed too hard I’d poop on the table, or people would think me a little too over-the-top. Maybe they’d say “She’s extreme.” I didn’t want to be labeled. I wanted to have my baby and hold my center tight, keep it reined in. I wanted to remain in control.

What it took me a few tries to understand is that when it comes time to push, the only option a woman has is to throw caution to the wind, grab her legs, and push with every fiber in her entire body. There is no room for hemming and hawing, for pooping discretion, for wanting to hold yourself together. There is only push. It requires all of you.

This is courage.

Courage is what you need at a certain point in every story. It’s what you need when you realize there’s no going back, and you have to find a way to press on but you’re really afraid. The stuff you find that you needed was your courage.

This is the way of life, dear friends.

As I writer, when I first started out I tried to play it safe and dance on the edge because I didn’t want to offend. I wiggled around because I wanted everyone to like me and my work. I tried to please the masses. The problem with that is there are too may voices vying for attention and when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one – or saying nothing.

Any craft, any gift takes a kind of steadfast focus. So does a life of faith, which is kind of like an art. It takes a LOT of courage to live a life of faith.

No matter what you’re doing, no matter how much we want play it safe, at one point or another you will to need to push. With everything you’ve got. No holding back.

Some of you need courage to tell a story you’ve got inside you …

Some need courage to break free from societal expectations that have bound you up…

Some of you need courage to overcome parental expectations and you don’t know how…

Some need courage to speak up about something important …

Some of us need courage to take care of ourselves and cultivate habits of self-care…

Some of us need courage to risk heartbreak and fall in love again …

Some need courage to open wide our hearts and let God in …

Some of us need courage to keep dreaming and keep choosing life … Maybe you’ve been pushing for a long time and you’re tired. You’d like to call it quits, but the birth is just around the corner. You have what it takes to finish this …

When I finally gave myself over to the process of childbirth, I realized that I could not bring forth life without a mess of blood and tears and sweat and travail.

You can’t hold back in fear and also birth life.  

 What is it you need courage for right now? I really want to hear.

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