This morning Rodrigo and I took the kids to a winter sports camp at one of the schools in town. They’ll get to play soccer, tennis, various other games, and at the end of every day they get to swim for an hour. We signed them up for this camp for a couple of reasons. Mainly, it was for them to learn more Spanish before they start classes next week, and also give them the chance to interact with some new kids, meet some children their own age.
When we got to the gymnasium Lucas jumped right in, playing soccer with the boys, while Emma hung on the sidelines next to me, waiting for some girls to show up. None came. She’s the only girl in the camp!
A few nights ago both the kids cried with me, complaining how much they miss their friends, their cousins, their lives back at home. I couldn’t help but cry with them and let them know that I miss my friends and family back at home too. Over and over I told them they’d learn Spanish and make friends. It will get easier. I have to keep telling them and myself that we’re here because we honestly believe God wants us to be here, and he has a good life for us here. But it hasn’t really begun yet. We’re waiting for the apartment, we’re looking for a car, we’re figuring things out each day as new problems, new situations crash onto us like the waves of the sea. This has forced me to take a deeper look at faith.
Emma and Lucas have lost their ability to communicate, talk, play with kids and every day it almost kills me. Every day I watch Emma wait patiently until she gets to watch a movie and finally disappear into English for a few hours. They can’t tell stories at the table to their grandparents, or at a friend’s house. They sit silently, taking it all in. However, I know as sure as I know the sun will come up tomorrow, as sure as I am that the tide comes in and goes out, that they’re going to learn Spanish, they’re going to make friends, and in the end they’ll have so much more than they would have had had we never ventured forth. In my mind’s eye I can imagine Emma talking with new girlfriends in Spanish, and Lucas playing soccer with buddies and yelling for them to pass the ball to him. I have an assurance of what I hope for, I have a conviction of what I can’t see. This is faith.
The challenge for me as a mom is what they’re losing in the right now, watching them struggle in solitude, seeing Emma’s eyes well up with tears as I walked out of the gymnasium to fend for herself in a world she doesn’t understand. I shake my head and beg God to give me strength to let my kids struggle to find their own wings, in order to learn to fly…
I beg God to be as good to them as he has been to me.
This is why Abraham and Sarah were so amazing! They heard some voice tell them to do something no one had ever done before and they did it. They had enough courage to go forth into a new land and believe that it would be better there than if they had stayed put. Abraham had imagination and an intuitive sense that the Voice, the God who spoke to him was good. He wasn’t a cruel God out to get him. This is perhaps the crux of my whole line of thought right now. The most important belief I have, and one I cling to day and night. I believe God is good. I know him, I know what he does, I know he’s kind. He didn’t bring us here to abandon us. He who was with me before will be with me now, and also tomorrow. I hold onto this, even through my tears.
I have no idea where you find yourself today, what’s happening in your particular life right now. You’re probably not dealing with my set of circumstances. However, I hope that wherever you find yourself, you’ll remember to have imagination, to take courage, and believe that God is good.
This brings to thought one word that we have spoken of often….resilience. Our kids have it much more than we can imagine. The benefit of teaching them to follow God’s word and that we are not alone is best shown when the tears are there and the answer is not clear but faith still exists. Many great things in my life came from walking into the unknown. I benefit from those experiences every day and carry them with me. As sad as we are to have you gone, it will be a joy to watch the journey from afar. In the interim, I will pray for an apartment!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Yes – resilience is the word we’ve often talked about and that I think is so important for our children to learn. Thanks for the encouragement. And please pray the apartment opens up!
Lord Jesus…we praise you for this amazing journey that Tina, Rodrigo, Emma and Lucas are on. We know you are with them every step of the way and that through their struggles and seemingly suffering moments they are glorifying you with their faith and the way in which they love one another. Those of us that love and care for them cry out to YOU in agreement Lord…Please Father, God open up the apartment for this family…be their peace, their comfort, their hope as they press onward. We all need you soooo much.
Thank you so much Kim.
Tina, thank you for your words of encouragement. Tears spring to my eyes, as I identify do much with the struggle to trust & believe that God has a plan & to remember that He is good. I’ve been working through many challenging circumstances lately. So often I have found myself feeling lost & confused. Yet I cling to Lamentations 3:23 and the hymn that says, “It is well with my soul”. May God bless & reward your family for your faith and obedience. You’ll be in my thoughts & prayers.
Gwen, thank you for writing me. I can’t tell you how good it is to hear from you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with hard circumstances. I will pray for you. Life can be so painfully difficult! I hope we can stay in touch from time to time. Much love,
Tina
Oh how my heart aches for this hard time…but oh how I know you are right…GOD is GOOD and HE loves so well. You are such a good mommy Tina. I love you guys and miss you!!
Love you Marcie!
Wow… how encouraging your last blog entry was to me today!! I’m a friend of Judi’s an live in Oz.. i don’t have kids at all or haven’t been in your situation that your currently in, however was reminded and so encouraged about how faithful God is to us as I struggle through my own season.
Isn’t it amazing how God speaks to use through all different things even from someone I’ve never met that lives on the other side of the world?!! Crazy! God is so good and his faithful extends to all generations!! His faithfulness in our lives, in every season to us and to people we love is just amazing!!! Keep trusting in him and trusting him with your kids & be excited for what God is going to open up in your lives! 🙂
Hi Erin,
It’s so great to hear from someone who knows Judi and I love having our worlds connect a little bit.
Warmly,
Tina
Tina,
I am friends with Judi and she sent me the link to your blog. Actually, I am dealing with your exact set of circumstances and through tears, I read this post. We are missionaries in Panama, where we moved just 17 months ago after 8 years in South Africa. (I’m from the USA, my husband is South African)
I feel each tear that you are crying for your kids and I want you to know that you are not crying them alone.
Thank you for your words and this encouragement.
Hi Becky,
I am so excited to meet you through the website. I can’t believe you’re in Panama! Do you know Roger Branda? He was a good friend – actually translated in our wedding. Rodrigo and I were on the Logos II. Your words are encouraging and helpful. We’re not alone aren’t we? I am so glad to connect. Hopefully we can stay in touch.
Tina
Tina-
In graduate school, I took a course on grief and loss. One of the big stressors that create this feeling of grief is moving. The impact on you and your children is tremendous. Embrace the grief. It’s the only natural way to create your new home.
The grieving process of your old home and familiar settings
will take some time, but you are doing an unbelievably good job. The only thing I would suggest to you for your children, and for that matter, you, is to try and do any routine stuff you did with them in Washington. You wrote in your blog before you moved about eating popcorn and curling up with emma when she didn’t want to go to the sleepover. Perhaps, have a night like that with Emma. Show her that you can do the same things in Chile. As for the language and their new friendships, they will come. Keep holding onto your faith and take this time to really bond with your family. Maybe put some new music on their ipods or mp3 players so they can hear more english when they feel lonely. Moving is incredibly difficult, emotionally and physically. We moved here 4 years ago with two 6 months year olds, straight across the country. In one year from now, we will take two 5 year olds and a 2 year old back across the country, to a brand new state.
Every day it will get easier….and remember to grieve. Pretty soon, you will be embracing the birth of your new home, and the four of you will be laughing and chatting at your dinner table. (going from spanish to english and english to spanish).
Carol, Thank you for being such a faithful reader! Thank you so much for taking the time to pen some advice. I will certainly take your words seriously. Thanks for caring and for praying for us.
Tina
Tina, knowing you’re where God wants you helps so much with the transition. When we moved to Japan with such certainty of his direction it was so much easier than our other moves when we felt like God wasn’t giving us clear guidance. I am sure your kids will do well. Our move to France was very hard on the kids but we survived and are stronger and wiser and had many opportunities to learn to trust God more.
Tracy – I have thought of you often in this journey I’m going through. I remember how matter of fact you approached the change and the move to Paris. Even from a distance your strength was inspirational. You made a mark on my life and I’m so thankful. Hope to see you again on the road… wherever that road takes us!
Tina
Tina and family, Blessings to you all as you follow the Lord into this new land, your promised land. Time is such an interesting concept for us humans – we are here now, we will be there next, yet we were there then – how does it really work? At times like this, when you need time to happen in order to live fully in the land, we can be thankful that God is not bound by space or time. He is present in the memories, in the now, and in the days to come. May you all find comfort in His presence and His promises, while you wait for the fullness of His call to unfold. Praying for you all today….
Jean – this is such a good word for me. Thank you.
Tina~ We will be praying for you and the rest of the family. I know it must be hard for all of you, specially as a parent when you see your kids going through this but hang in there ~ the blessings are coming!
Hebrews 10:35-36
New International Version (NIV)
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Be strong and trust our Father.
Thank you Karina!