I am a huge fan of eating together around the table. It’s one of the things I value most in this world. Eating around the table with people I love and respect does something to make me feel grounded and hopeful. It creates a structure in my routine and helps me feel connected to the people with whom I live. It’s one of the rich things I learned from the Latino culture, and something I deeply appreciate about the Hispanic community. They eat together.
It can also feel like an unbearably difficult commitment for many of us with our busy schedules.
Here are five things that have helped me make mealtime more successful:
Plan ahead. You don’t have to cook the complicated, time-consuming food to have great meals. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches at 9:00 pm is still a meal together. It’s far more about knowing what you’re going to make, than having an extravagant meal each time. If you don’t have a plan, you’ll fall back on old routines. Sure, kids love to eat their favorite dinners, and food is emotional, but if I convince myself I have to make homemade mashed potatoes and gravy for every dinner, I’d run from meal times. I put a lot of love into the food I feed my family, but love doesn’t mean it’s complicated. It means I’ve thought about what I I’m going to make. I aim for simple and healthy, for favorite weekly picks, and some creative variation from time to time. Sunday dinners, or when we invite a few extra guests to the house, tend to be when I make a more elaborate meal.
Have everyone participate in some part of the meal. When the whole household has a part to play there’s more buy-in. It might be chaotic to let the kids make certain foods, but over time, they’ll learn and look forward to the part they play. Setting the table, cutting the vegetables, making the rice, or folding the napkins all facilitate in creating a great meal.
No phones allowed. Sometimes we use our phones to find songs, or to read something out of an article, but for the most part it is tech-free time. This is a big deal to me. I’m not anti-phone. But all of us need in-real-life conversations on a consistent basis. Eating meals together in a phone free zone makes this consistently possible.
Come up with two our three things to talk about in order to facilitate conversation. Everyone should get to share at mealtime. In my house, dinner is the time everyone gets to tell their stories, make their rants, complain about the day, or talk about their frustrations. Usually, there’s a funny story to tell, some political thing we touch on, or a frustration about a teacher. It’s important that everyone gets an opportunity to share. When needed, I have a couple questions in my back pocket to ask anyone at the table who tends to be more reserved. Nothing stressful, just a light question that helps everyone know all of us get to share.
Everyone helps clean up and put dishes away. John models this beautifully. When we started doing life together he always helped wash, dry, and put away the dishes every single meal. He quietly suggested over and over that everyone who eats the meal should be part of the cleaning it up after it’s over. There was some serious resistance to this at my house, but over time, because it’s been consistently required, it’s now part of the household culture, and it works. I am far more apt to cook and plan a meal together because I know I’m not going to be stuck cleaning it up at at the end.
How about you? What are some tricks that have helped you make mealtime more successful?
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