Everyone I know is knee deep in life. We’re all trying to find our way, to make good decisions, to navigate through difficult things. We’re all trying cultivate life.
Yesterday, we picked the spot where I’m going to plant my garden. We don’t have a house yet, but after giving it some thought, I decided it would be good to plant life in the place where I want life to bloom.
We bought tickets to go to Seattle in November. The kids are thrilled, I am overwhelmed and thankful. My book is coming and it’s taken a long long time to get here. Many hours of revisions, many edits, many rejections. I have thought about throwing that book in the garbage more times than I should admit. The only thing that stayed my hand was probably my pride. I didn’t want to be a quitter. Now, I’m glad I kept going, kept trying, but there were many days when I had no idea if anything would ever come of it.
Yesterday, as I stared at the hole in the ground where we’re going to built our house, I stood in the middle of the plot and tried to imagine what it will look like one day, finished.
One morning, three or four years ago, I sat on my couch and cried to God about my book. I cried and cried. Nothing was happening, nobody wanted it. Everywhere I turned another rejection was in the mail or in my inbox. I kept sensing God wanted me to continue on, that he didn’t want me to quit. But I wanted results! I wanted it to be finished. A few minutes into my crying, my ranting, waving my hands in the air, I heard God’s voice…
“Tina, I want you to enjoy the journey.”
It came out of nowhere and was as quiet as a whisper, yet reverberated and echoed all around me. That voice. Enjoy the journey.
I sense it’s still my message, it’s still the point. To live through the journey, to enjoy each stop on the road. To let things unfold in their own time. There’s that verse in Ecclesiastes that says God makes all things beautiful in time. I want my house to be finished. I want to move out of my little-itty-bitty cabin. I want my book to done. I want things to make sense. I want. I want. I WANT!
God wants me to enjoy the journey.
It’s deeper than the trite message to stop and smell the flowers. It’s not just about going slower. It has to do with letting the journey be the destination. It’s all important. It’s about life. And trust.
The journey is ever before me. This wild gift of living life. Of being Knee Deep in it. Most of the time I’m worried about getting there.
As Waters Gone By has taught me about life. I’m not the same person writing the book today as I was when I started. I understand my character’s journey so much more than I did before. Is it how I wanted it to be? No. I wanted a contract right away. I didn’t want to be tested and tried, and proved. I wanted it to be easy.
The thing about easy is that it’s easy. And we don’t become who we were meant to be on an easy journey. We don’t become strong, resilient, courageous people without conflict. If we’re not tested and tried, how do we know we’re supposed to be doing what we’re doing?
I am a writer. I know I’m a writer because I haven’t quit yet. And I probably should have a long time ago … but I love it too much. Even when I have more rejections in my inbox than anything else, I keep writing. Because it’s what I’m meant to do.
Now, we’re in Chile. The rejections are different but life has the same feel. It’s hard, the odds are stacked against us, the wind is howling. I’m frustrated, the kids are frustrated, Rodrigo’s frustrated … why not quit?
Because it’s about the journey…. we can’t cut the journey short. We have to stay the course and watch life unfold day by day. We have to learn to enjoy the journey.
How about you? Are you knee deep in living life?
Much love,
Tina
First and foremost, I am so excited to buy your book and bring a crowd to a book signing! I am very close with the English Department at my high school and would love to help you set up a presentation there, if you have an interest in speaking to a crowd of high school students. An author came in last year and she kind of did some games involving characterization, plot development, etc. The process of creating a story. She spoke briefly about her book, her journey to where she is now and such. People responded really well because she was very open and funny, I know you would be great.
On another note, I am knee deep in life here at the U! It is so much different from what I expected and it’s been difficult to accept that none of what I planned or hope is necessarily in store for my future. I feel so challenged all of the time. There are parties almost every night, a lot of stagnant daytime activity (or rather, a lack of activity) and these really are not my kind of people. At least, not yet. I came from a close circle of select friends, almost all artists in one way or another and I’m in a frat now. A progressive and modern, gentlemanly fraternity, but a fraternity nevertheless. I feel my character and comfort-levels tested on a more than regular basis but I am not going to let it bring me down or change who I am. I am so optimistic about my life here in Seattle, school will start soon, and I will hopefully be wrapped up in my drama world within a couple of months. There have been a lot of pillow hugging, mom-calling, and quote-reading since I have moved in but I try not to take life so seriously. There have been many moments of serendipity since I got here–on one of my worst days, I attended a last minute lecture on living an ethical life. The man reminded us that whatever our problems might be, there is someone, many someones out there that would gladly live out our worst day than their best one.
I am old enough and have enough experience to realize and appreciate that almost all that has happened and been done upon me was done for an explicit purpose. Whether or not I understand the purpose at the time is irrelevant because I have faith.
Michael
Michael, first I would love to do something with your old high school! Seriously would be wonderful. Let me know what you need from me and we will take it from there.
And – I’m sorry it’s been a rough few weeks. It will get better, they’ll settle down and you will figure out how to make it work and how to be you and not fit in, but learn to fit all at the same time, because that’s the kid of guy you are.
Whenever you go somewhere new, in a bigger pond, you need time to grow up into that pond… And sooner than later, you’ll be ready to go to another pond, even bigger. I don’t fit in here either, and maybe sooner or later I’ll realize it’s never been about fitting in but about being a good friend and learning to love the people I’m put right in front of.
Let me know about the speaking! I’d love to do high school. That’s the age of my book.
Talk soon,
Tina