I’ve been reading through the book of John. Slowly. A chapter a week. I read the chapter in English, then the next day I read it in Spanish, then I think it over, and then do all that again. It’s a new way for me to go through the Gospels and I’m doing it mainly because I need to mull over things more efficiently in my life. Be slower, more thoughtful.
I’m in chapter eleven. The chapter where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. And I’m stuck. I’m in the part when Jesus waits and doesn’t go quickly to heal his dying friend. He deliberately waits knowing it’s going to cause a whole lot of suffering to the people he loves. But he waits anyways. And he tells them why. For God’s glory. This bothers me.
It hits home. I think it hits home for all of us. How many times have we waited for God to do something, only to realize he’s not going to do it? At least not in the way we think he should.
Jesus knew Lazarus was dying. And the people that called on Jesus, Mary and Martha, in particular, didn’t know that Jesus was going to raise him from the dead. All they knew was that he had healed others with a word, and they waited expectantly, and he wasn’t coming. I can only imagine when Lazarus breathed his last how it felt to his sisters. Why didn’t Jesus come? They must have been … Disappointed. Crushed. Sad. Overwhelmed. Confused.
This is why this story is so crucial in our relationship with God. This passage beckons us to look higher, to think deeper, to wait longer, and to hope farther.
Jesus wanted to do something they hadn’t ever seen before. I used to think it was because Jesus wanted to do something bigger. There might be that. But now, it occurs to me that he wanted to show them another piece of himself. They already knew he could heal. They knew him as Healer. They didn’t know He WAS and IS the Resurrection and the Life. They didn’t know that even after four days dead, with the stench and all, that Jesus could and would call their brother forth.
And here’s why I’m stuck. Stuck. Because honestly, I would have been happy with Lazarus just getting healed. I don’t always appreciate that Jesus wants to show us more. I would have liked Jesus to get a move on, go faster, walk quicker – lay hands on Lazarus and heal him. But, in the end … the story was so much better. For everyone.
We, as a family, are in a place of waiting, of struggling with God to answer prayers, of seeking for answers. It seems we’ve been in this place for two years now. And I can’t help but say … “How long must we wait?”
We’re working on our house with limited funds, Rodrigo’s working on finding a job or figuring out what to do. Do we stay put, or go back? I’m daring to hope again and submit one of my novels once more for the sake of more rejection with the chance that maybe someone will want to buy it. And in all of it, I can’t help but hear this whisper … that God wants to show us more of himself. Call us into deeper intimacy, deeper dependence on him…. He’s about something. Trust him in the waiting…
At the end of the story, Lazarus was alive, the sisters were overjoyed, and everyone knew Jesus better – some really hated him after that and plotted even more to kill him. But, everyone knew what he was about in a radically different way than before. They saw him call a man who was dead for four days, out of the tomb with two words – and Lazarus got up and came forth.
And let’s not forget that even when Jesus knew that he was going to raise Lazarus, Jesus still wept. He still let life and death touch him. Jesus let his emotions rise up inside him and he felt deeply. He is not immune to my cries in the night. He just wants me to trust him – that he’s doing something. That he will make all the pieces of my life make sense. He will make all the waiting and the longing and the confusion and the sorrow and the joy and the laughter come together and be whole – be one piece. One story in Him. Because He is Life.
How about you? What are you waiting for? Praying for? I’d love to hear.
Much Love,
Tina
Absolutely beautifully said.
Thank you!!
Hi Tina. I’m praying that God will open all our hearts and allow us to see through his eyes. I’m praying that we allow his patience to work in us for his glory and that fear doesn’t prevent us from loving one another and living like Jesus. Sin is pain. So when we hide behind it, we hurt others, cause pain, create sin, and therefore act as a barrier to others who seek the goodness that only God can provide.That’s my prayer. Thank you for your blog today. It spoke to my heart. xo
Katina,
Thank you for such a thoughtful response.
That’s a good prayer. One we can all grow and learn from.
Much love,
Tina
oh, i needed this Tina. Thank you for your insight..
Oh thank you for writing! And for encouraging me.
Much love,
Tina
I’m waiting for a few dreams to come true. To move back to my hometown, of someone special arriving, and of my family’s ministry growing. And this seems to be the week God is showing me He wants me to trust Him while I wait. Thank you for your post. It helps me more than you know. The pastor preached on waiting Sunday, my good friend guest blogged for me today on waiting, and now your post. You wrote so beautifully and hit the heart just right. Since we’re both bloggers, please check out my friend’s guest post on my blog: http://lighthousebiblestudies.com/katy-kauffman-blog/limbo. May God give your family the answers you need in His perfect timing. God bless you and keep you in Chile! ~Katy
Katy,
Thank you for sharing. I will certainly join you in the wait.
So much of our lives seem to be about resting in God’s timing – at least for me.
I will certainly check out your post. And look forward to future interactions.
May He bless and keep you too.
Much Love,
Tina
“He just wants me to trust him – that he’s doing something.”
Thank you for your deeply thoughtful, life-giving words. To those who have waded into the deep waves and to those who are afraid to step into the water you uphold the same Jesus, the Equalizer. Holiness also is pain. He has made sense of so many of the parts of my life that I am in ecstasy at the first responses to my new paradigm of human behaviour. Yet, I am stretched in agony for the people around me whose minds and bodies have been assaulted beyond my worst experiences and groping comprehension and who are writhing in pain. They are trapped in social systems so ignorant of that paradigm that the righteous can choose only civil disobedience. My vision of a City built on a Hill seems preposterous in this context. I need to know that Jesus raises the dead. I need to know that His beloved friends had to wait beyond their ability to believe. I need to know that He contended with social structures as badly broken. I need to know that you struggle with life-altering issues and dare to believe, so far away from rural Canada, so near in rural Chile.
What a wonderful and thoughtful comment. I’m so thankful we connected. And yes, it’s so helpful to know others are out there believing, waiting, asking for God to move. And are willing to let him do things his own way.
A city on a hill is a good thing to hope for. And we pray together, from opposite hemispheres “Your kingdom come, your will be done.” Amen and amen.
All my love,
Tina
Thank you, Tina. Amen. You write beautifully, honestly, profoundly.