The Practices of my Faith Series

I’ve been insatiably interested in God since I was small a kid. I used to invite Jesus into my heart on a near daily basis, with great pomp and dramatic contrition whilst sitting on the toilet, children’s Holy Bible in hand, and skinny chicken-legs dangling. I’d pray the most dramatic prayers begging for salvation. I’ve been talking to God ever since, not necessarily on the toilet, and certainly sans dangling skinny legs, but I’ve honestly been fascinated with the spiritual life for as long as I can remember.

My spiritual journey is laden with a passionate searching, painful failure, and far too much swearing. I told my family at Christmas I think God wants me to stop swearing so often, and my mother, who never even says damn, sighed in relief and uttered toward heaven, “Oh, thank God.” I thought that was really endearing. My spiritual journey is also filled with a deep abiding love for God. A love that has guided me through seasons of doubt where I wondered if this Jesus stuff was any more than a fairy tale. I’ve had glorious moments riding the heights of answered prayers, and I’ve muddled through the mundane and ordinary seasons of washing dishes and mowing the lawn. And I’ve had times where I begged God to make a way through thick barriers that felt like blackberry bushes, and terrain so steep I feared I’d fall backwards to an impending death.

When I was sixteen, I had a reckoning where I kneeled down at a park in the early morning and promised to follow God, no-holds-barred. Somehow, I knew that by living in relationship with God, I’d find a kind of love that nothing else in all the world would hold a candle to. So, I’ve stayed. Even when I’m mad at God, bewildered, confused and screaming, I wrestle it out with him. I’ve found that even on the worst days and during the darkest seasons of anger and fear, I’d rather be in relationship with him, than not. I like God’s company.

Over the years, on my hunt for the Divine, I’ve discovered ways, things I can do that help me feel closer, more at peace with God. None of my practices of faith are new, but they’re mine, and they’ve yielded results: renewed faith, courage to tell the truth, a new patience, perseverance, love and forbearance where previously there had been spite and deep-seeded desires for vengeance, and a general sense of well-being coupled with the strength to be generous with my heart when I’ve wanted to let it shrivel up and die. So, I’ve concluded that anything I can do to approach the spiritual life with fresh eyes is helpful. When I put my heart in a place where God can reach it and speak to me, life blooms.

There’s this verse in the Bible, in the book of James, that says if we draw near to God, God will draw near to us. This verse reminds me of life on the school playground. I’ll be your best friend, if you’ll be mine. We’re aching to feel less alone, but we don’t want to reach out to someone if they’re going to reject us, so we extend ourselves with the infamous … if. I’ll scratch your back, if you scratch mine. I’ll jump if you go first.

What I love about this verse in James is how much God gets it. God knows it’s hard for us to reach out of ourselves and go on the hunt for something unseen that can’t be measured by anything temporal. God recognizes that it’s scary for us little humans to search for the eternal. And so there’s this promise that assures us – If you reach out, God will reach in. If you seek God, you will find God. That said, God is mystery. He doesn’t show up on our time-table or in our small-minded, altruistic-three-point-expected-outcome ways … God is much more wild and unmanageable than that. But … if we search and seek with a true longing to know, we’ll find what our souls are searching for … 

While, a life of faith is tenderly private and personal, it’s also communal. We’re in this together. And because we’re in this together, I’ve decided to write about my practices of faith. The things I do that help me in my relationship with God. When I read about other people’s lives with God it helps me. Sometimes it helps me feel less alone, or more understood. Sometimes it names something I haven’t known how to label, and sometimes it challenges me to step into something new and take a risk.

I would love if you’d join me on this series! I love to hear people’s stories and what they’re learning about God and the spiritual life.

One small request: If there’s a blog post you like, or one you think is particularly helpful, would you please share it on some form of social media, be it Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or some other new thing I’m clueless about? I’m a writer trying to build my platform and word of mouth is the most helpful.

I’m really looking forward to this blog series!

Peace,

Tina