Back at the end of December, after months of hemming and hawing about alcohol, I decided to do something different. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for 100 days. I wrote about the decision right here, and here, and I’ve spent quite a bit of time on Instagram writing about it.
Here’s what happened: I turned forty and felt like it was time to do life differently. We all know the saying, “If you want to get what you’ve never got, you’ve got to do what you’ve never done.” This quote reverberated in my head. Over the last several years, I’d decreased my drinking a ton, and I’d completed several Dry September’s, and Dry January’s and I also did a dry Lent. Each time I quit drinking for thirty days or more, I discovered that at the end of those days, I felt good. I felt better than good. I felt clear and cogent, thoughtful and in possession of my own mind. So, at the end of 2017 I decided I wanted to go longer to see what it would be like.
I was curious about the dry life. I wanted to know what would happen if I went a full season without wine. I was curious to see if I’d be as happy, or if I’d enjoy going out with friends, or if date night with John would be as fun. A hundred days felt like the right amount of time to experiment with it. I set out to be honest.
Here is what I learned:
We are a society that drinks a lot of alcohol. We consume heaps of it. It wasn’t something I noticed until I wasn’t consuming alcohol, but it’s everywhere. The alcohol section at Costco is gigantic, and is equally gigantic at every major supermarket. This isn’t a bad thing, necessarily. But it is a thing. We like our booze.
I can lead a full and happy life without it. While this might be a no-brainer for many of us, it wasn’t for me. Wine was my silent companion for almost everything that mattered for many years. It wasn’t that I always drank a lot, it was just that I always drank. Wine at parties, bubbly-wine at baby-showers, cocktail hour with girlfriends, and wine to unwind in the evening. I drank wine to accompany me with a good novel. Wine on a lunch date, and in my seat in the airplane. Wine to soothe my raw mommy nerves after the kids went to bed, and every other time that mattered in between. When I decided not to drink for 100 days, I worried that if I took the wine away, I wouldn’t be happy anymore. I am here to attest, that is a big, fat lie. I am happy and whole without wine. I don’t need wine to have a good time, to unwind, or to hang out with friends.
I’m a better mom when I’m not drinking during dinner, or even after the kids go to bed. The less I drink the more present and clear I am as a mom. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have believed this. I would have shoved that thought right aside, because it was my reward for making it through a long day, or my companion when I didn’t make it through the day as well as I wanted to. But it’s true. I have a clarity of mind, and a focus that comes from good, old-fashioned sober-mindedness that red wine, as nice as it tastes, does not offer.
My emotions ebbed and flowed and balanced out. I was worried that without wine, my emotions would overwhelm me. It was almost the opposite. There were a few days when I really wanted to drink. Once, over something that happened politically. I was annoyed at President D.T. and wanted to have a glass of wine to take the edge off. A couple other times I was super stressed out and I felt like a glass of wine would help me cope. Here’s the truth: The stress passed, and I coped just fine without it.
It was the Right Time for me. I was ready to do 100 days without alcohol. My heart and mind were ready, and so was my body.
I want to be a woman who drinks very little. For now, I’ve decided that my life is better without a daily dose of red wine. I might drink once in a while on a date night with John, but that’s where I’m going to keep it, to a minimum. If that proves too complicated for me, I’ll address that when it comes. I’m open to the journey and to deciding what’s best for me as I walk my road. For now, this is where I’m at … which leads me to my final lesson.
Be where you are, and then, be all there. It’s absolutely fine to do a long season, or a short season without alcohol. Even if everyone knows you as a drinker, and no one around you thinks drinking is a big deal. It’s really okay to wake up one day and decide to set it aside. Even if you don’t want to offend anyone. It’s okay to say, “I’ll pass.” Even if you’re afraid. It’s still okay to try it for a time and see what happens. If you are at a place where you need to quit altogether, be all there. Just quit. If you are at a place where you want to think about quitting, or cutting back, be all there. Do some investigation and figure out where YOU are, and then, be all there.
Keep me posted. I’d love to hear.
